What do Muslims fear?
“Allah” says all people Obvious.
I mean, what are Muslims afraid of… Personally, I’m afraid of public bathrooms and roach. Always had nightmares about creeps peering from underneath. Other people? Well I did a quick survey and found five of the most typical Muslim phobias. (Out of: Facebook)
1) Dogs
I don’t really know what it is about dogs that scares Muslims. Whenever you see someone walking their dog down the street, Muslims would rather run across the road and face oncoming traffic then to walk around an innocent looking dog.
Is it the whole dog saliva is najas (unclean) thing? My motto is hate the saliva, not the saliva-carrier. I know people that would make wudu 10 times because a dog made eye contact with them.
2) Jews
Every once in awhile I come across a Muslim who for some reason is inexplicably anti-Jewish. You start mentioning Starbucks or Natalie Portman and they’ll start foaming at the mouth for some reason. Sure, they might have Zionism and Judaism confused, but that doesn’t stop them from furrowing their eyebrows at all things Jewish.
I’ve always found it funny when khateebs or angry Muslims complain about “the Jews” taking over the world. Yeah, they’re in some pretty powerful positions, but that wasn’t because of some conspiracy… just hard work. Maybe if we spent less time complaining about Jews and more time actually working hard and contributing to society, we’d be in some ‘powerful’ positions too … then OTHER insecure faith groups can complain about OUR success…
3) Secret Service
Sometimes it feels like my phone is tapped by the Secret Service. Their job: to spy on Muslims so they can learn of our apparent shadiness. I just think it must suck to do years of university, a bunch of entry tests, some strenuous physical exams only to spend a living spying on boring ol’ Muslims.
I mean honestly. 99.9% live really normal lives with nothing eventful happening at all. If an agent wants to spy on young 20 something Muslim males, all they’d find are chat logs upon chat logs of marriage discussions with ‘potentials’. I mean, I’d love to have a job to help out some fellow Muslim brothers. Maybe interject some lines that would make Romeo jealous:
hijabiqueen8737: Abdullah, I really miss you. Can you please book a banquet hall already for the wedding?
[hacked] king_abdullah191: I have booked a banquet hall for us… in my heart.
hijabiqueen8737: AWWWWWWW!!! That’s so sweet!!! <3
king_abdullah191: … back from prayer… what the.
hijabiqueen8737: omg i had no idea you were this romantic!!
king_abdullah191: neither did I.
4) Evil Eye
Evil eye… whatever it is, it’s definitely real. You know, when someone tells you “omg nice new shirt” then ZAZ! A nasty grape juice stain on the shirt. Another person tells you, “omg what a beautiful new white cat” then ZAZ! Another grape juice stain… on the cat.
But it just seems Muslims blame the evil eye on everything
5) Illuminati
Ah, the mother of all fears… the ones that control everything. Apparently. They’re somehow related to the Freemasons I can’t remember… I read about it in The Da Vinci Code, too in a teologhy course.
I think there’s a fairy tale where if you go into the bathroom, turn off the lights and say “Illuminati, Illuminati, Illumintati” three times while facing the mirror, it’ll bring about about the Dajjal (one eye, all-seeing eye, evil eye) by orchestrating a Jewish takeover of the world by forcing people to walk their dogs at 8pm every night while the Secret Services spy on their homes. It’s all connected, I knew it!
But it just seems Muslims blame the evil eye on everything
5) Illuminati
Ah, the mother of all fears… the ones that control everything. Apparently. They’re somehow related to the Freemasons I can’t remember… I read about it in The Da Vinci Code, too in a teologhy course.
I think there’s a fairy tale where if you go into the bathroom, turn off the lights and say “Illuminati, Illuminati, Illumintati” three times while facing the mirror, it’ll bring about about the Dajjal (one eye, all-seeing eye, evil eye) by orchestrating a Jewish takeover of the world by forcing people to walk their dogs at 8pm every night while the Secret Services spy on their homes. It’s all connected, I knew it!
